Hussar Humor

Pan Zagloba's Hussar Humor

Here you will find funny moments and jokes about life in the Banner of Jasna Gora

The Wisdom of Pan Zagloba……..

Observations from the bottom of a tankard. 

I have noticed the following about my brothers and sisters of the Banner of Jasna Gora.

A member of the Banner of Jasna Gora upon occasion:

1. Has opened a can of piwo with a warhammer when someone was using the opener.

2. Has enough period weaponry in his or her house to rival collections of most small museums.

3. Has repaired wardrobe malfunctions with a hammer, anvil and assistance from “Rosie the Riveter.

4.   Has had a Horse break dance on their foot.

5. Considers it a good night when you find your tent inexplicably surrounded with chicken feathers.

6. Tends to clank while walking.

7. Has clothes made of better brocades than most curtains.

8. Is most frequently asked, “Aren’t you hot in that?”

9. Will spend time walking in a circle because your wing is jammed in “Right, Full rudder.”

10.  Thinks that “Hey, wanna try on my helmet?’ is the best pick-up line ever.

11. Tends to cringe at the words: “This is the Dread Wolf of Posnan…….”

12.  Has received wardrobe complaints from the ASPCA.

13. Has hit himself in the head with his own warhammer. (refer to number 1)

14.  Has the ability to focus so intently on completing you new zupan that you didn’t notice the tent collapsing around you.

15. Has rolled musket cartridges while smoking a pipe.

16.  Knows why “Milk and Cookies” will give you a headache.

17. May consider piwo an essential food group.

18.  Has held a pot luck supper where everyone brings galubki.

19.  Know what “The Battle of Poland Springs “ is.

20. Have artillery as part of the décor of the family room.

21.  Include scotch guard and rust blocker in your wardrobe repair kit.

22. Have a nick-name that means “Iron Butt”

23.   Have been seen dancing to “YMCA” in armor.

24. Have been invited to see the town curator’s collection of etchings

25.  Have started dinner conversation with, “No shit, there we were…..”

26. Might consider the clinking sound of empty piwo bottles the sound of victory.

27.  Have had it suggested that a good saddle modification might be a seat belt and air bags.

28. Been mistaken for Attila the Hun, a Viking,a pirate or sometimes all of the above.

29. Has had a bar tab include two “Our Fathers” and three “Hail Marys”

30. Have gotten reduced priced drinks by letting the bartender wear his armor.

31. Been suspected of having “Hej! Sokoly” on his I-pod.

32.  Understand that the proper cooking time for Bigos is measured in days.

33.  Wonder how Pan Zagloba gets away with begging for piwo. 

You Know You Are a Member of The Banner When

1. You have weapons stacked in the living room.

2. You can sleep through the artillery fire.

3. You close the curtains to change at home but don't mind getting into period clothing in the middle of the camp.

4. Your Christmas gift list reads like a Quartermaster's request for supplies.

5. Your decorating style could be described as "Bookcase Eclectic"

6. You make career decisions based on their effect on your weekends.

7. You can spot 100% wool at 30 yards.

8. You go out to eat during an event and people ask if you are a Pirate.

9. You suffer from a post event depression.

10. You are annoyed that museum original armor was on the dummy.

11. You shop for motor vehicles with 8 foot wooden tent pole.

12. Your backyard resembles a tent city on Monday morning.

13. You have worn wool when temperature tops 100 degrees....Repeatedly.

14. You spent $ 300 on an outfit that went out of style  300 years ago.

15. You don't mind wearing high heel yellow boots. 

16. You realize that you use port-a-loos more often then modern bathroom. 

17. Your co-workers would worry about the bruises if not for the sunburn.

18. No one will attend a Historical film with you.

19. When you pack for a week long vacation you take one bag. When you pack for a weekend it takes a trailer. 

20. You know exactly how many days until the next event.